my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can I color on your dick again?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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