just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well you can't waste a boner
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
