So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
