Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
