i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
