Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
