It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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