Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
