is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
