So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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