I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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