Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
