So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize