I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
