Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
