Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
