Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
