you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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