i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
