dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize