I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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