I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
