Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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