Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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