even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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