out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
