let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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