i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
