4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
