I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
