i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
