some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
