Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
