If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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