Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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