Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize