Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
