Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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