my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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