My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
