Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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