your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The Olympian is in my bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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