Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
