please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
