she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
