You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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