i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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