my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
