Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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