i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My ass is underappreciated
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
