Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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