So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
