Three words: puerto rican gang bang
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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