I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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