I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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