Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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