I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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