ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
