ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
