Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
