He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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