I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
