Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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