There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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