dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
