Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's like iHOP with fire
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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