ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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