it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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