I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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